I’m not sure what I hated most about the city, the things I told other people or the fact that I was alone. Maybe it was the way it impinged on my fantasy with its reality. I worried that this is what real life was like. Being in a city you hated by yourself with nothing to do and nowhere to go. I worried that this is what awaited me in the coming days. Twenty four hours and I was already crawling out of my skin. I felt the city pushing me to get out. You don’t belong here, it reminded me time and time again. No one belongs here.
It was one of those cities where no one lingered long. Stag nights or hen parties. Stopping point on your way to elsewhere. And yet I had stupidly made it my destination. It felt like purgatory. Like there was some trick to escaping it, that I had not yet figured out. Like this holding place was a test and if I figured it out I would be rewarded with happiness again. The sky enveloped me in its grayness and stopped me from remembering what lay outside. The grayness seeped into my pores, suffocating life. I knew there would be an end but I could not imagine what it looked like.