It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To

Birthday are weird. Right? I think we can all agree. You have a mini existential crisis every 365 days. Who am I? What am I doing with my life? What is the meaning of it all? Like clockwork we try to tell ourselves that it doesn’t matter, it’s just another day. Age ain’t nothin’ but a number… We don’t have to have our entire life sorted out. Everything is fine. Really.

But then that feeling creeps in. Shouldn’t we have achieved more by this age? Look at Mary. She has a job she loves and a house. Sally has a new book coming out this year. Her third in five years. Lisa is travelling the world with her partner. What do I have?

No matter what age we are turning we are susceptible to these kinds of thoughts. The truth is someone will always have something better or be doing something more fun, at least from the outside. And not just on your birthday.

It was my birthday a few days ago. Some people I love forgot. Others perhaps didn’t know. I got some fun presents and had lots of well wishes. But somehow that sinking feeling never went.

Should I be having more fun today? I packed my day with people, food and fun. And yet it wasn’t enough. At times, it was too much. As a highly sensitive person I felt it all. I thought back on this last year and everything I’ve accomplished. I thought about the highs and lows. I thought about where I want to be next year on my birthday. What do I want my life to be like? I thought about why I don’t have more.

With another birthday done instead of looking back I’m trying to look ahead.

Here’s what I want for the next year:

  • to do everything with ease

  • to love and appreciate myself more

  • to trust myself

  • to find my power

I have no idea where this crazy road will take me in a year. I don’t even know where I’ll be in three months. But I’m learning to trust myself and know that it will all work out. So I’m making it OK to be melancholy on my birthday. And joyous. All at the same time. And it’s OK for you to be as well.